Pineapples.

actuallesbian:

hello! my name is conor and i’d like to sell you some honey.

My mom and I have run a small apiary for the last four years and a couple weeks ago, we had our largest honey harvest yet - 36 gallons!

that’s a lot of honey. that’s too much honey for just my family to handle! so, we’d like to share.

So I’m selling it.

Who are you and how do i know you won’t mail me internet poison?

Well! I made a name for myself as a honey seller way back in 2011 when I gave away three pints of honey at PAX East. It was fairly well received!

In 2012 I started selling honey to some friends online and that was also quite well received! At PAX I brought like seven jars of honey and sold them off instantly and it was great. It’s really popular and I think you should try some.

Here’s some testimonials:

The framed certificate and ribbon we got from when our honey won a taste test at a local beekeeping convention.

“So I got the honey like 3 days ago and I’ve already finished off half of it (1 cup) just from snacking on it. Uh oh.” - a satisfied customer

“Got my honey and AAAAAA IT’S GOOD” - a satisfied customer in the middle of a honey-induced orgasm

“also I just want to say

I have tasted Ketchupface’s honey and seen all of time and space appear before me at once like in Space Odyssey 2001

It’s that good

This isn’t innuendo Ketchupface makes amazing honey with bees and anyone who has tasted it knows what true happiness is” - a classmate

here’s a copy of bee movie somebody gave me because they didn’t feel right just getting my honey for free

here’s bee porn i got as a gift

here’s a picture of myself in the back of my car which has been dressed like a bee while my bee-suit-clad mother is driving me because i am THAT DEDICATED TO BEES

WHY WOULD I BUY YOUR STUFF INSTEAD OF JUST GOING TO WALMART

well!!! most places don’t have dedicated honey stores, and supermarket honey is usually manufactured by buying honey by the gallon, mixing it all together, pasteurizing it for some reason and bottling it in dumb teddy bear bottles.

Our honey is straight from the bees - we filter it three times to get out dead bee parts and wax and stuff, and that’s the most treatment it will ever get. Honey never goes bad so we just keep it in resealable jars and such.

We’re also as close to organic apiarists as such a thing exists! We DO NOT treat our bees for anything whatsoever, and we DO NOT feed them; they forage for themselves & fight off pests themselves.

(we also sell our stuff cheaper than wholesale sooooooo)

Okay, okay, I get it. You’re legit. How much money do I have to throw at you and where?

THERE’s the question.

We currently have about 6 gallons of orange blossom, 30 gallons of citrus/wildflower and a lot of wildflower honey. 

All honey jars cost the same and are organized by the size of the mason jar they’re contained in!

cup (half-pint): $7.50

pint: $10

quart: $20

gallon (this is going to probably be shipped in quarts): $60

For a very limited time we also have JARS OF CUT COMB! Cut comb is a very popular treat and for the first time, we’re able to offer out our own supply of it. Our cut comb comes in jars filled with honey, as well, so you’re getting plenty for your money!

Orange blossom cut comb comes in pint jars and is $15.

Citrus/wildflower cut comb comes in quart jars and is $25.

Keep in mind that I’m not joking when I say limited - we have less than ten jars of each variety so get them quick!!!

WHAT’S THE CATCH?

ugh yooooooou got me

you have to pay for SHIPPING too. Shipping is almost always going to be $10 but will be much higher for international orders - I’ve sent one out that cost $59! I can’t do anything about this. Blame the USPS.

SO WHERE DO I SEND THIS $$$$$ TO?

send me an ask about order placements!!! I’ll tell you what you’ll total out to me and give you my paypal address. When you send me the payment, please give me your address alongside it, and I’ll have it out by the next business day.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

i’m gonna be completely serious here: i want to buy the limited edition copy of All Star Battle but I don’t want to dip into my savings for it and I get half the money from this. please buy my honey so i can fund my jojos obsession

PS IM GONNA DO A GIVEAWAY WHEN I HIT 200 FOLLOWERS, STAY TUNED

PPS PLEASE SIGNAL BOOST EVEN IF YOU CAN’T/DON’T WANT TO BUY ANYTHING

(Source: pleatedjeans)

kellanium:

#probably the best explanation of a device in the tv history

xelamanrique:

greatest moment in television history.

(Source: laterspeasants)